It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
