i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
