there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
