Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The beer is more important than you right now.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
