you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
