I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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