Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
