It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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