I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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