come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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