just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
