You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
