It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
