new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
