you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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