im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
