Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she peed on how many people?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
