Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
