My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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