sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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