This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
