yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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