tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
