I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
