He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
