I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
