no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize