The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
