I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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