what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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