I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Bring me that man meat
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
