the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
