hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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