Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
