just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
