when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We have started to decorate penises.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
