just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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