This girl is more easily done than said...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
