I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
