just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
