im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
