I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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