haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
