my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
