I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
