There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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