I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
