What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
