The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Tornado booty call.. dedication
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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