The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
