Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
