This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
