he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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